Tactics
by Thorned Rose
Summary: The secret life that Team Rocket never wanted you to find out about...contains scenes that will most likely scar you for life should you try to imagine them, drag fetishes and innuendo all round. Read this if you dare, but comment if you do!
1. Dare to be different

He smirked as she entered the bedroom, enjoying seeing her struggling to keep the buttons firmly fastened as she breathed as shallowly as she could. He did not feel guilty at taking sadistic pleasure out of her endeavours as it had been her choice entirely and there was a pricey wager riding on whether she could do it successfully or not. As she made it over to his location, with a smile she (quite literally) whispered breathlessly that she had won the bet and he had to pay up. Before he could offer her any form of reply that wasn't staring at the material defying her to stay shut, she straddled his lap and brushed her lips against his teasingly. Sadly for her, the button that strained the most sprang off and hit him in the eye. Rubbing it gingerly, he grinned again and she sighed, knowing that she'd spoken far too soon.

"Told you you'd never fit into it again, pay up!"

Muttering angrily at thinking her chest hadn't grown all that much since her days at Pokémon Tech, she took her frustration out by ripping her shirt open across the middle, thus sending all the other buttons to a similar fate. She took the rest of the uniform off but let the suspenders remain, and sighed as she put a very expensive under-bust corset on. She wished he'd just agree to wear things like this instead of her having to gamble with him on every occasion, and she could have sworn she'd win this time. She didn't realise James had deliberately bought a new shirt, identical to her proper one except for the fact it was three sizes smaller. She also wished he hadn't been so cruel with what she had to do if she lost. Sticking a coin to her forehead, she purred seductively and said:

"Have I been a good kitty, Mr Boss?"

As soon as he burst out laughing, all went to black. Her anger management classes weren't finished yet.

When he came to, he noticed a few things almost immediately. He was completely naked on the four poster bed and nursed a sizeable lump on the side of the head where she'd struck him. His hands were tied with incredible force to the corners of said bed with her suspenders. Jessie, the obvious culprit, was nowhere in sight. But most insulting of the scenario was his stomach being daubed in her lipstick that read "I LIKE LITTLE KITTENS FOR SEX TOYS" It when he craned his neck forward he read the subtext with a sardonic smile. With a big arrow pointing to his nether regions, there was an unmistakable sentence that would make him lose that part of his anatomy should anyone else read it. Beside the arrow, was a simple "THIS IS THE BOSS". She had also taken the time to draw a crude stick figure with a mass of pokéballs where the arrow pointed. Surprisingly, he mused over whether she could actually afford to buy a new lipstick or not. With a few blatantly unsuccessful attempts to free himself from his unwilling captivity, he decided that requesting help was his only available option.

"Oh MEEEEEEOOOOOWTH?"

"What do you want this time?"

"She's done it again…"

"I can't reach the handle, you're gonna have to wait until she comes back."

"Where's she gone? And can't you break in an air vent or the window or something?"

"You're on your own Jimmy; I am NOT going through all of this again just to see you helpless. I do NOT like doing it despite what you think with the amount of times you've asked me this week! And she said something about returning the stupid leather…?"

James sweat-dropped and cringed as best he could in that position. She would definitely not be happy when she came back. Maybe next time he'd just dress in drag to shut her up, it meant he usually got further with her before being knocked out. He could not wait until she passed that anger management course, maybe then their sex life would be somewhat more normal.

What seemed like days but was in fact little over half an hour later, Jessie finally returned to the stranded male. Out of curiosity, Meowth wandered in too to see what her handiwork was like this time, and grimaced when he saw the depiction of their boss who was so dear to his feline heart. He scratched through the flimsy hosiery which earned him a wallop to the back of the head by his female co-worker for ruining the items. He left sourly, muttering about how they'd have been riddled with ladders anyway with knots that tight. James tried to prop himself, which he did rather clumsily due to his arms having no power in them from a distinct lack of circulation. Jessie pulled him towards her with the remnants of the suspenders on his wrist and kissed him fervently. He mentally panicked at this, knowing somehow it wasn't going to end well for him one way or another.

"When I took it back I saw this fantastic little…"

"No."

"You don't even know what it is yet!"

"I don't need to, I'm not wearing it."

"You don't have a choice in the matter MY dear James."

"Everyone's entitled to an opinion, and since when do you call me that?!"

"Except you when it conflicts with mine! Now, sit forward so I can put it on you easily…"

James was sorely tempted to marry his psycho ex-fiancée. At least she drew the line at whips. His eyes widened in a level of horror he did not think was possible as she produced the purchased items from the bag on her lap. Why did she never willingly want to wear this stuff herself?! In her hands lay a set of lavishly decorated nipple tassels, with what appeared to be very expensive jewels studded around them. Because of his heritage, just looking at them told him they had not come cheaply, and sighed knowing this was payback for all the times he'd blown their funds on self-detonating contraptions. Giovanni's punishment had been humiliating enough in his eyes, but all it had succeeded in doing was grind down his self-esteem and made Jessie more demonic. She preferred the term creative. He blurted out that she knew the rules if she wanted him to wear it, causing her to grudgingly cease her peeling of the back adhesives.

"What do you want this time?"

James grinned a wicked grin. He knew a foolproof plan that would no doubt end his victory, whilst abiding by the rules that it had to be something she had to successfully complete for it to be a true victory. But there was no way she could EVER pull this one off, of that he was certain.

"You get to convince Meowth to dress up in shackles with a glittery tiara and call the Boss. Whilst singing 'Look at meeee.' And it must involve a manacled version of the hula somehow."

He was not prepared for her equally self-certain smile, or her sickly sweet reply.

"Oh that's fine. You know just how much he always goes on about 'wanting to please the Boss'. He'll do it for nothing."

His face fell, knowing with horror what she said was true. He needed to get to Meowth before she did, and fast. Jessie read his thoughts correctly and stuck the tassel in her hand on his…nose…before he could leave swiftly enough. He found the cat-type with great ease, but within moments the pokémon was a hissing fluffed out pincushion for all he could tell. James naturally resembled something that no living creature should ever witness, with the tassel swinging merrily to contrast the lipstick graffiti and the ragged remnants of the suspenders that were still tied tightly around his wrists. Before he could utter a word to the scarred-for-life pokémon, however, Jessie knocked him out again as she appeared silently behind him. He had no idea there was a love heart with another crude depiction, but this time of Ash, inside it tattooed in lipstick on his ass, which she was viewing admiringly. She tried not to think about how she'd applied some AFTER scrawling it on him.

Consciousness returned all too soon with a kick to his stomach. He recognised that feeling all too well now, but what frightened him most was this time he felt his hands bound together extremely tightly. He could not see it though, or breathe that well because something was over his head, and he prayed it wasn't the gimp mask she'd purchased a few months ago but he'd also refused to wear. His fears were confirmed when he heard a zip slide back and brightness—and torturous images—filled his vision. It was too late to shut his eyes; he couldn't undo the ghastly sight of Meowth's hula in front of the videophone. This, for some reason, now also included a hideous set of glittery eyelashes to coordinate accordingly with the tiara. He could not think up any logical reason for the garish shade of blue eye shadow, or what appeared to be a mirrored disco ball hanging from the dark bit of Meowth's tail. He wished he still had tears left to cry.

He decided to make a break for it while he still could, only to find his feet were also tightly bound. As he lay on his back, cursing the pain this action delivered, he noticed Jessie was looking at him particularly smugly, with leashes in her hands attached to both his wrists and ankles. He couldn't work out where the third one led too…then he felt tightness around his neck which could only be a collar of some description. She resembled the dog-type walker from hell.

He whimpered as she pulled him back to his feet and he knew instantly that he was going to die by her hands. Most likely it would probably happen in the next five minutes. All her months of plotting to get him in drag had now come to light, and with her evident love of bondage he knew it didn't add up well. Help came from an unlikely source; Giovanni bellowed out what the hell did James think he was doing. The scenario clearly hadn't bothered him (he assumed the Boss either liked Meowth's hideous hula or Jessie's dominatrix outfit too much to notice him until now), but he could now clearly see Jessie's lipstick message with the arrow. The only luck in the whole traumatic incident was his hands were strategically hiding the crude stick figure from view.

A/N:

Yeah this is random garbled crud...blame insomnia for it. I've decided to make it into a multishot to see what reaction I get for it rather than slaving over a longish piece and getting nothing back. If you want more, review. If you don't, well might not update. Which is probably a good thing for my sanity's sake!


	2. The Tease And I

Jessie would pay severely for this. After Meowth's little attempt to cyber-sex the Boss, the latter had taken quite the shine to James' outfit, or lack thereof. His superior had requested of his worker to dress in his trademark tacky orange suit, and it was more than the cheap polyester that made him feel extremely uncomfortable. He tried to ignore what he valiantly prayed could only be drying sweat in the groin area as he squirmed in displeasure on the leather seat. _Big enough for two_, he realised with a surge of panic and feared he made the damp section a little moister.

His employer stood before the solid mahogany desk, sweat dripping proudly from his erect nipples, which for some reason had smiley faces drawn around them. James was uncertain if he'd rather Giovanni was completely naked rather than the body-builders stance he posed, to compliment the throbbing bulge under his equally tacky jungle-print loincloth, naturally. He prayed they were pokéballs in a hidden pocket and NOT what logic screamed to him.

Just when he thought the whole scene couldn't get any more disturbing for the young bishounen, his eyes were diverted to Giovanni's Persian walked into the room. The attention-seeking cat-type was usually stealthy, but its entrance was far from it today. James suddenly understood a new level of fear towards his boss and he wished that the…pokémon…and a half naked man having a middle-age crisis were not blocking his exit from the room. He was now contemplating leaping out the window behind the desk in the hope it would result in his suicide.

Words cannot possibly denote justice to just how ghastly the Persian looked. For some disturbing reason, Giovanni had his pet—Persian, not James—wearing the official Team Rocket black thong, which it wore back to front to let the tail out the obligatory…love hole. The neon pink letters "T" and "R" hovered over what James could also only pray were hidden pokéballs, though sadly there was physical evidence proving otherwise as it was two sizes too small for the cat-type's appendages.

Perhaps a little more worrying, was the fact its neck and paws were dripping with chunky gold jewellery, causing the noise as it walked painfully slowly. Subconsciously, James wondered how it had sat still long enough whilst the fur on its head was shaved in a bastardised Mohawk format, but he also remembered the various drugs in the hidden section to the corporation where experiments were run daily on pokémon. Tied to its tail was a clearly home-made flag with child-like scrawls reading "I pitty da foo' who disses mah Team Rocket homies". He recognised it instantly as being the same handwriting as the signature on his salary cheques, and he definitely added to the moisture this time.

Giovanni called "Mr Tease" over to him and grinned as the Persian rubbed against his naked, stubble covered legs. There was nothing like chunky gold running along his muscles that would get him more in the mood, but then he commanded him to go fuss "King Gaymes". He had known for a long time that his boss was a man to be feared but this took it to new levels, and made him wonder if the weight of the jewellery had been the real reason why Meowth walked on his hind legs. Then, he began to fret over why Meowth was so obsessed with being Top Cat again. Oh gods would she pay for this. Dearly.

He decided there was no other option and leaping to his hopeful death was the only way out. He wished that when they came to scrape his splattered corpse off the pavement they'd be too disgusted with the scene to notice the hideous suit he wore. Bracing himself, he leapt from the chair and shut his eyes as he leapt for the glass…which was double-glazed. He bounced back with a tender face and elbows from the impact, and was momentarily stunned. He opened his eyes when Persian started licking his face as he found out whether it was a hidden pocket in the loin-cloth firsthand. He wept openly like a baby, trying to draw his eyes away from his boss' grin. And from something else.

Jessie and Meowth were arguing about the finer aspects of how it was the other's fault that their partner was not there. Well, Jessie was combining a mixture of sexual frustration and fear and venting the two on Meowth, whereas the scratch-cat pointed out that had it not been for Jessie's choice of what their partner was wearing at the time, he would still be there. He was contemplating agreeing with the hormonal woman just so he could hold onto his remaining lives. Her cooking had taken care of rather a lot of them before now.

James burst into the room with a flurry of anger and disgust, particularly so when he saw Jessie grabbing at his zip before looking up from her kneeling position and realising it wasn't Giovanni in the tacky orange suit after all. His mood could only worsen when he caught a glimpse of THAT expression on Meowth's face. He pushed her away from his crotch and spat out to Meowth that he was Top Cat again, at which point the horrific memories revisited him with grotesque intensity. He wished Meowth had not asked why he was so certain of this, and felt a little vomit rising in his throat as he remembered Mr Tease. He would need at least ten years' worth of therapy from the past afternoon alone.

"Yes Meowth, I'm sure. There's no way that…thing…could have survived; the ridiculous gold would have weighted it down."

He remembered how he'd finally escaped from the room and Giovanni had opened the window and demanded for Mr Tease to recapture him, as well as ringing security. Mr Tease had grudgingly leaped from the window to the pavement below. With some extremely cruel irony, a large black van with a red stripe had just then swerved around the corner at speed, and one of the excessively long chains got caught around its front axle. James had heard the squawks from the cat-type as he ran three blocks in the opposite direction. He wasn't sure if it ceased due to its death, or if it was carried out of his hearing distance.

He wandered into the bedroom to remove the grotesque suit and was debating whether or not he should pour boiling water all over himself to remove the taint that remained on his 'smooth, unblemished body of shaggability'. He found that description even worse to handle when he recalled it coming from his boss' mouth. It had been flattering when Jessie had said it before, but now he knew where she learnt it. It disgusted him even thinking about it. He could never bear to hear her utter that he was an 'unfattening stud muffin of delights' again either.

He heard the door shut quietly behind him and his partner smacking her lips and he snapped that she'd better not even think of saying anything. She ran her hands along his torso as she stood behind him, trying to ignore a sticky feeling on his skin which could have been the lipstick or sweat. She noticed him tense at her touch, but then relaxed to a degree as he finished unbuttoning the shirt. She peeled his upper layers off and turned him around to kiss him, knowing if she didn't do anything to soothe him now he'd never agree to wear her latest acquired item.

He jerked away after a couple of minutes when she ran her hand along the left side of his face and she noticed something she hadn't before. She gently moved the hair away from his ears and saw a monstrosity of a gold earring at least an inch in width saying "KING". Before she could ask him about it, he failed to meet her eyes as he showed the other ear suffered a similar fate, but this one said "GAYMES". She inwardly cursed, knowing that tonight would not be the appropriate time for her to ask him to model it. The skin around the piercing was an angry red and extremely swollen; she could have sworn he'd pierced his ears years ago yet this told her otherwise.

"Why did you…?"

"I didn't. Giovanni had his Persian use its claws to pierce them. Extremely hygienic, I can imagine."

"You know, you can't take them out for…."

"Three weeks. I know. At least he didn't cut my fucking hair so I can hide it."

She felt his body stiffen against hers as depression welled in him and knew that if she didn't do something soon he'd start crying and all hopes of her successfully seducing him would vanish. She nimbly cast her left leg over his right shoulder and pulled him closer for another kiss. If that didn't work, nothing would.

He ran his hand along her thigh and stopped when he reached the edge of her underwear. Something just didn't feel right. She threw her clothes up into the air and displayed with pride what she had on underneath. His eyes widened as he stared at her crotch. She purred and rubbed her chest along his chin, obviously misreading his reaction. Clearing his throat to make sure it came out as a shout instead of a whimper, he gripped her hip with more force than he intended.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY BOTTLECAP COLLECTION?!"

AN

Yes, that is disturbing, isn't it? And what exactly has she done with the bottle caps? All will be revealed (well, MORE) in the next chapter, but as before I am a woman and can hold out on posting it…or something. So review dammit!


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